Back When Things Were Right
by Tari Seregon
Summary: Since I left Hogwarts, since ...’s death, nothing’s been the same. I just wish that everything could go back to the way it was before. Back when things were right. One shot, HBP spoilers present!


**Author's Note:** This story has some HBP spoilers present! Don't read it if you haven't finished HBP! Also, this story is told from Harry's POV, as though he is speaking directly to the reader. It's rather a hard concept to understand, but I think that upon reading it, you'll understand****it better.**_  
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**_Back When Things Were Right_**

Since I left Hogwarts, since Dumbledore's death, nothing's been the same. I just wish that everything could go back to the way it was before, when he would teach me how to protect myself by showing me memories from people who were personally touched by Voldemort. When I knew that no matter what happened, I would still have him standing beside me with his wand brandished, ready to fight next to me. Back when things were right.

God, what a mess my life has become. I'm living with the Dursleys until I turn 17 (which, incidentally, is in a couple of minutes), where they fear to look at me. I wonder if they think that locking eyes with me would automatically summon a Death Eater who would kill them all before devouring me. Perhaps that's really what happens.

Maybe they think that I'm now such a cursed, angry child that I will turn and kill them all as soon as locking eyes with them. Well, I know that I definitely want to kill them sometimes, but I'm also definitely not about to actually do it. But the way things are going right now, perhaps that's really what will happen.

Sometimes – well, a lot of the time – I wish I weren't me. I wish I weren't Harry Potter, I mean. It's like in _Romeo and Juliet_, when she's speaking of him: _"What's in a name? By which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."_ Well, not so much the romantic aspect of it as the real message: the name of a person has nothing to do with who they really are.

If I weren't Harry Potter, then so many things would be different. If I weren't Harry Potter, I would be any normal teenager, enjoying his summer break but wishing to see his friends, wondering what had become of his girlfriend and whether she was missing him as much as he was missing her. I wouldn't be anything special, just a normal kid who happens to be a wizard and who worries occasionally about You-Know-Who and can't speak his name, but feels perfectly safe inside the walls of Hogwarts with the greatest sorcerer in the world as his Headmaster to protect him.

And I'd have two loving parents and an incredible Godfather who would always be there for me.

If only fate were so kind.

Every night, as I lie in bed and try to get to sleep, I subconsciously begin to tick off a list of people whom I'll never be able to see again because I'll be off trying to defeat Voldemort. There are the ones I'll miss, like Neville and Luna, the true members of the DA, and the Weasleys, the only family I've ever known.

Then there are the ones I dunno how I'll live without –

Ginny God, I don't think I have ever felt or will ever feel the same way about anyone as I feel about her. She was one of the few things that went right for me this year. I don't really know what it was, but when I was her snogging Dean, it was like a volcano was suddenly erupting in my stomach, then swallowing its lava just so it could erupt again.

But then when I kissed her, it was like the sun coming out and melting away the ice and cold that had been left on me from the dungeons from which I had just emerged.

I don't know what it is about her, but somehow I think that if she were to come with me, it would be enough to keep me constantly happy, no matter how horrible everything else was.

But I couldn't do that – it would be homicide.

Hermione, bright and brilliant Hermione. Everyone knows she's incredible, even Malfoy, the filthy, disgusting, vile little rat. She's helped me through so much. Without her, I would definitely not be here today. She saved me from the Devil's Snare, she figured out about the Basilisk, she was with me through it all. Without her here to guide me, I'll be totally lost.

I don't know what it is about her, but somehow I think that if she came along with me, we would be able to detangle every snare that came our way; we'd get all the Horcruxes, including the one still in Voldemort's soul, and destroy them.

But I couldn't do that – it would be homicide.

And then, of course, Ron well, he's not the smart guy who can figure out everything, and he's definitely not the love of my life (different Weasley), but the one thing Ron is better at than all of them (besides playing chess) is being my best friend.

He always knows how to make me laugh, even if I don't show that I'm laughing. He always supports me in everything I do and helps me through my emotional obstacles, even when he's going through a roller coaster ride of his own with Hermione.

I don't know what it is about him, but somehow I think that if he were to come with me, I'd always be able to find something to laugh about and someone to support me, whether or not I snog his little sister.

But I couldn't do that – it would be homicide.

There goes the clock downstairs, chiming midnight. Happy birthday, Harry. This is, sadly, probably the best birthday present I have ever received – I can finally leave the Dursleys forever.

Would you mind grabbing my trunk for me? I know it's kind of heavy, but I have to bring Hedwig's cage downstairs, too, and it would be better not to make two trips . . . ooh, careful, that step is kind of messed up, it's easy to get a sliver . . .

That one's my Uncle Vernon, the bony one's Aunt Petunia, and the fat tub of lard sitting over there is Dudley. Yes, the one stuffing his face with cake. This is actually highly unusual, seeing as this time of night he's usually out terrorizing the neighborhood. I thought he was on a diet, too . . . ah well, I guess he gave up.

Aunt Petunia? Uncle Vernon?

"What do you want, boy?"

Seeing as I am now officially seventeen years old and have therefore come of age in the wizarding world, I'm leaving you forever. If I were you, I wouldn't expect to see me around any time soon, seeing as I'll be off hunting Voldemort.

As for you, well, I just met you and everything, but I'm glad I had someone to talk to about this whole thing. If you ever see Ron and Hermione, tell them not to come after me (and if you see them holding hands or snogging or something, don't be surprised and tell them it's about damn time). If you see Ginny, tell her that I love her and I wish things didn't have to be this way.

Well, actually, if you see any of them, tell them that every moment I spent with them from back when things were right will be cherished in my mind forever. And tell them that I promise to come back to them when things are right again.

Well, bye.


End file.
